I am at it Again

Ok...so as I approach yet another birthday ( I am blessed to have so many) I find that my limits of exploraton have expanded greatly.  I am not going to jump out of plane...Not now at least but I am exploring other depths of interest.  Years ago I had my SCUBA diving certification...and I do mean years ago.  I met my husband (who was my diving instructor) and we were married for over 40 years before his passing..So its been a while.  I used to dive a lot but it has been a long time and there have been a lot of changes so, with encouragment from my friend and dive buddy Jax, I am going for it again.

First things first...equipment.  Lets face it diving equipment is expensive and uncomfortable.  I found a great deal on a 7 mm wetsuit on Ebay.  Worn once and my size.  When it came I was so excited to try it on and see if I had hit the mark or was out of bounds..Except for the sleeves and legs being too long the fit was fine.  Getting it on was a struggle..that is normal.  They are designed for warmth not comfort.  It was hot in the house and I got stuck in the suit.  The arms were so long I could not pull myself out of it..I started to laugh so hard, sweating and pulling and pushing and now starting to panic.  I tried to call my daughter to come over and help me but because my hands were so deep in the sleeves there was no way that I could even hold my phone.  I managed to figure a way..Alterations happened immediately..

Now on to the dive shop for rentals...I cannot find booties that fit my tiny fett so I have to buy them..K-ching..I buy a mask because ewe..rentals...Get my gear.

Now to pool training..Five hours..Hot day, pool water very warm and I over heat in the 7 mm wetsuit (for those who do not know that is pretty thick and recommended for diving coastal California (befor global warming). Talk about being exhausted.  This old body was using muscles I forgot I had and wished they kept silent.  After that long day I had a photo shoot and dance rehearsal...Dear Heavens,,,,

Now I await my open water certification for a set of skills I might nver use again.....but I will have them in the event that I get to travel...Lord help me..

A day at Disneyland

 I went to Disneyland in the middle of August.  I am still in disbelief. My dear friend Leela told me (in May) that her family was coming form all parts of the world and wanted to have a Disneyland adventure.  She wanted me to come and I would do anything in the world for her.  I had met most of the family on her Sunday Zoom meetings and was excited to get to meet them in person.  

Disneyland is expensive.  It is painfully crowded in the summer and killer hot. I have not been in a very long time.  But to Disneyland I went....and I had the best time ever.  

Yes it was painfully crowded in this time fo Covid but everyone was exceptionally well behaved. No pushing, no nasty comments.  Just happiness mixed with a lot of patience. It was hot...absolutely.  But there was water and air conditioning here and there..so manageable.  Leela's family are the nicest people I have ever met.  We had so much fun together I felt as if I had known them forever. We hit all the rides, took all the picture and ate all the food.  We saw the Mainstreet Electrical Parade ( which they keep threatening to discontinue forever but always bring it back). We saw the magical fireworks and I experienced the gleeful, child excitement with two outstanding young lads who made sure I was not scared on any of the rides.   

When I got home that night (well after midnight) I was hot, tired, weaty, a bit dirty and totally blissful.

I won't miss any opportunities to do fun things.  Life is too short to nitpick the details.  I am just going to throw myself in and enjoy the rides....all of them

Damn that's hot!!

 A number of years ago my lovely daughter asked "Hey Mom..wanna learn how to eat fire".  I, of course, said sure.  So I learned not only how to eat fire but spin fire poi, hoop with fire, dance with a staff that was burning and use huge fans blazing.  It is a lot of fun...really.  For a while we were performing a lot dancing and playing with fire but the pandemic hit putting a halt on most fun things.

Fast forward to now.  We are performing in a music video (I am excited) and we will be "doing" fire.  Manda and I dug out our fire kit and bought some fuel to practice.  AS I said...it's been a while.  The wicks on our fire equipment are dry and lonely.  Dipping them into the white gas caused many bubbles and used way more gas then it should have.  When we lit up...OH MY..Damn that's hot.  All of the toys burned to the max and sent out a vicious amount of heat.  I don't mind hot.  I am not afraid of fire but putting a blazing wick in my mouth for the first time in maybe 2 years was a little daunting. Thoughts of failure (never fear) rambled through my head.  What if I can't do this anymore.  What about my nose hairs...my eyebrows.  It took a couple of tried before all the training came back to me.  Tilt your head, cup your tongue and take that big breath before you put that flaming stick in your mouth.  

For as long as it has been, I am very pleased with the outcome  No hair loss or blistered lips yet.  The video shoot is 10 days away and I have time to get more practice it.  There will be much unpleasant fuel burping in the future.  I must remember to play with my toys more often to keep them happy. 

Who would think that at 67 I would still be doing this crazy ass shit........

Marshmallow Man in the Winter

 I find life fascinating, at times.  There seem to be a lot of twists and turns that can be  both very exciting and confusing.   A couple of weeks ago I was able to go skiing in Mammoth and I was facsinated by my own body..and not in a good way.  The Pandemic was not very kind to my body.  I was blessed with good health throughout but the lack of exercise and a good deal of pity eating took its tole.  A few extra pounds (not a lot but enough) caused me to struggle with exertion required to put on the damn ski boots, puffy jacket, hat, gloves, goggles...The skiing was great.  The dressing was HARD.  Whoever invented ski boots must have taken lessons from Ramsey Bolton (Game of Thrones reference).  I will say I had a blast skiing and the company I was with was absolutely the best. But darn it..I felt almost helpless with putting on all the stuff....out of breath and hugely out of shape. With all that gear I looked the Staypuff Marshmallow man. In the end I had several very nice bruises and blisters on both sides of each ankles..I admire all those snow boarders with the one board and soft boots.  They look so sassy and comfortable. On the slopes they glide along....until they fall on thier butts and lay there in your path or board out of control and knock you for a loop when they hit you. Still...fun was had. 

I was impressed by the beauty of my surroundings.  We had a gentle snowfall Friday night and it brought a comforting silence to the area. In the morning there were critter tracks in the snow and a wonderful air of freshness.  The drive up to the slopes was a little daunting.   The roads had just enough ice on them to be slippery but not quite enough for chains.  I did have a scary moment behind a jeep that was sliding back toward me.  We managed to do a little ice ballet and work it out without remorse on either side. 

The best part of the whole two day trip was our wonderful evenings together.  Five women truely enjoying each others company.  Theres was no TV, no outside distractions, wonderful food, beverages and stimulating conversation.  We laughed so hard.  We came up with podcast ideas.  We exchanged childhood stories, recipes, books we had read, TV show we watched and it was great.  There are not many times when we have that kind of time in todays world.  I look forward to next winter when I can again don the warrior ski outfit and hit the slopes...Hopefully with less natural padding..lol

Life as I know it now

 I so often forget that I even started this blog.  I used to have a couple of faithful readers but I am pretty sure thier lives are too busy to read my nonsense.  I, on the other hand, read my own blogs from time to time and realize I am having a pretty good life...in general.  I am widow now.  My mom is in a lovely care facility.  I bought a house.  I have worked hard at establishing a "new life" of independence.  It is hard.  I have an amazing circle of friend and loved ones with whom I share adventures, acitivites and crazy ass shit.  I also have lots of lonely moments. You would think at 67 years old I would have figured out who I am and what I want to be when I grow up.  I haven't..in case you were wondering.  

I am a nurse.  That has never been a question.  I became a bellydancer and performer at a ripe old age. I love adding that to my resume. I am a designer of costumes, maker of wedding dresses, creator of art. I am a happy grandma and whiskey advocate. I am afraid of life as I age and yet I approach it with much enthusiasm.  I cannot imagine saying no to almost any adventure (unless its too expensive). I got to travel to Italy and the Panama canal, Hawaii and Mexico.  I am off to Alaska yet again..I want to pack as much as I can into life.  I say..Lets do it..and lets do it now..  Whose with me.?????

Still here..still Covid....struggling

Well...It's been over 6 months and the world is still dealing with a pandemic of epic proportions.  Most of the world is still in lock down.  You cannot eat inside a restaurant.  You can eat outside in some places but with temps in the 100's outdoor dining can be unpleasant.  You can get your hair cut finally but you still cannot have your nails done inside.  Sitting in a bucket of cool water in a parking lot, having your pedicure is less than relaxing.  This all sounds petty but it is the whole flavor of drama that has come with the pandemic.  You MUST wear a mask when going anywhere outside your home.  Hey, that is fine with me.  I have been wearing a mask at work most of my life.  You have to stay six feet apart from people in lines at the stores.  I am fine with that too.  People tend to get right up your ass most of the time.  This is ok.  You cannot gather in crowds more than 12 and they cannot be people you are not in contact with on a regular basis.  I never do...so ok.  No movie theaters, no concerts, the third degree when entering a doctors office. Ok..The level of disregard for human life is not something I am OK with.  There are many people who won't wear a mask...they won't stand six feet away from me...they insist on gathering in large, unmasked parties.  It has been six months people..if you would do what was asked of you this would be over a whole lot faster.  Ok..this rant is over..

My dear mom fell several weeks ago and fractured her back.  It took three of us to get her into the car and to the hospital, all the while Mom telling us she was in pain but there was nothing wrong.  Dementia is a terrible thing.  I have managed to care for my mom for 40 plus years.  For the first 20 of the years things were great.  She has always been a little quirky but overall a joy.  20 or so years ago I started noticing changes.  These changes were subtle at first.  When you live with someone you often overlook the odd behaviors.  The last 7 years have been harder...and these past 4 years since Chuck died have been awful.  Now, I fear I can no longer care for her.  She is in a care facility now and it is my hope that she can happily stay there.  She was there 2 years ago after she fractured her hip and did not want to come home.  At this point I am pretty sure she has no idea what her home was..or who I am.. Because of the Covid restrictions no visitors are allowed.  I get updates frequently and from what I hear she is doing as well as can be expected at 95 with a broken back and dementia. I just want to tell her I love her.  That's all.  I am struggling with so many emotions now..fear, isolation, regret that I could not handle her care.  My prayers are for her and me and the world. 

April 15, 2020

Its been forever since I posted anything.  This blog has been on my mind so I thought I would start to write again.  I am very sure I am the only one reading it but that is just fine with me. I have been keeping a journal but that is filled with personal feelings about myself image and the lot.  These blogs are different.  They are about my life and the world around me.

We (and I mean the entire world) are in the midst of a pandemic. Yup..a freaking pandemic named Covid-19 aka Corona virus.  It may have started in China or Italy.  No one is too sure about its origin but its a nasty bug that has taken too many lives.  At this point in time the world death rate is close to 150,000 with over 2 million confirmed cases.  The whole world has been locked down.  We cannot go to work unless you are an essential business (I am medical so I have been working).  Some folks are working form home.  Some poor folks are just out of jobs because businesses had to close.  The economy is tanking and we are headed into a certain recession and a possible depression.

I almost feel a little guilty that my world has not changed as dramatically as some.  I go to work daily.  I see Amanda, Jesus and Alanna almost daily.  My mom thrives even with her dementia. Shopping has been fairly normal for me with the strange exception that no one can find toilet paper or hand sanitizer.  Lucky for me I have always been over prepared for events such as earthquakes and storms.  I still cannot get used to shopping for just me and mom so I had an abundance of food and plenty of TP.  I feel so deeply for those who are struggling just to get food and manage to pay the basic housing bills.  So far I am lucky.  Not sure it will hold out.  Its been a month since lock down.  If it goes on much longer I may not be able to say the same.  We must practice Social Distancing..stay 6 feet apart.  Wash your hands (I mean..do we really need to tell people that...YES). No public gatherings.  No large crowds.  No dance events ..I am so so so sad.

We must wear masks in public so I have dedicated a lot of sewing time to making masks and making sure everyone I love has plenty.  I sent a bundle to the LBGTQ Center also.  My grandchild Lith (aka Quinn) is making the slow transition from male to female.  I am so proud of her for finding her true path in life at an early age and not living a personal lie.  I know too many that have lived that lie for their family or were in denial only to regret not being themselves. 

Wow this thing really rambled on...lots of topics. I will end nor now but promise to keep it up.

Be safe..Be strong.. I am here to hold your hand if you need me.